Am I interrupting your lunch? Uhh YEAH!

Al-Amin: i hate it when folks come by my desk and ask me "am i interrupting your lunch?"
wtf am i supposed to say?
"no, i'm just in the middle of a chicken salad sandwich that i brought to my desk so i could get a few free minutes while i eat"
i mean... don't ask the question if its rhetorical, you feel me?
god damn it, what the fuck does it LOOK like i'm doing?

Al-Amin: yeah but these are associates man
i know, i'm at an entry-level position here which basically means i'm a bitch... but that means you should just come up and talk to me man
don't ask me dumbass questions like "am i interrupting your lunch?"
me: hahahaha

From the one with no booty...

David: my rumpshaker is coming out good

Facebook, Google and Apple will take over the world...

Valerie: it makes life so much more interesting
ways to keep in contact and make connections over common interests
yeah
and go back to it as well
so important :)
Tanya: let us take a moment of reflection and praise Facebook. Amen.
Valerie: lolol
ohmmmmm
Tanya: hahaha
Valerie: facebook, google and apple are GOD
they will take over the world
Tanya: your personal trinity?
Valerie: i mean
for now
yes
hahaha

Tanzanians and Ice Skating

me: free ice skating
http://www.thepondatbryantpark.com/
Sent at 9:57 AM on Thursday
Al-Amin: dude
i'm tanzanian
me: u dont ice skate?
Al-Amin: does it look like i can skate?
me: hahaha
i can teach u!
Al-Amin: dude
tropical weather
me: dude you're in ny
Al-Amin: these things are foreign to my skill set
i could try, but one of two things will happen
1) i will fail miserably
2) i will embarrass you into not being my friend anymore
me: hahahaha. no u wont
but this is being posted
Al-Amin: lol
if you were a guy i'd call you an ass right about now
me: ;)

stinky feet!

"Krisanne" (4:25:14 PM): J's socks smell like death after he works.
val(4:25:25 PM): ew
"Krisanne" (4:25:38 PM): i am telling you this because he made up that fart story
"Krisanne" (4:25:53 PM): he took off his shoes and socks to shower when he got to my place last night
"Krisanne" (4:26:01 PM): and I simply walked passed them and almost barfed

Potty Humor

"Krisanne" (11:40:55 AM): j walked in on me peeing the other day and I almost killed him
"Krisanne" (11:40:59 AM): what if I was taking a shit
"Krisanne" (11:41:02 AM): ?!!!
"Krisanne" (11:41:18 AM): I have gone #2 at his house though which in itself is a huge step.
"Krisanne" (11:41:33 AM): before that I haven't crapped in a guy's house since the year 2000

sexy sushi man!

khris: the sushi guy just walked by
val: drool
khris: he's not that cute
khris: though he is very stoic with his sushi man hat

umm excuse you!

Al-Amin: o0oo oo0o
and that's the middle finger one two hands
why am i randomly flicking you off? great question.

lovley

"Krisanne" (4:26:15 PM): someone just killed themselves in front of my office on the train
"Krisanne" (4:26:18 PM): now I cant get home
"Krisanne" (4:26:21 PM): what an asshole

drunken debauchery

"Krisanne" (11:18:37 AM): I am a raging cunt when I drink too much
"Krisanne" (11:19:06 AM): It's like we're worst to the ones we love the most, because we know they will deal with it

Men have selective hearing.

Tiffany: aww, men have selective hearing. i bet if u told him what color bra u were wearing he'd remember that forever
me: lolololol.

Kids in Guatemala use Youtube?!

val: youtube is being whack
val: the vids aren't loading
khris: they aren't?
val: nope
val: load 1/4 the way
val: don't start playing
khris: ooh
khris: did you try restarting your browser
khris: unless you broke youtube.... in that case you're ruining the experience for millions of people
khris: sad children in Guatemala are not seeing their Spanish dubbed episodes of dragon ball z

boon boon boon

Krissy: booondoggles
Krissy: boondoggles all over the place

wastey...

Krissy: yeah but i don't want to get wastey and not be productive tomorrow
Krissy: plus i wanna get wastey tonight
Krissy: i mean tomorrow afternoon
val: weeee
Krissy: go watch some baseball and football
Krissy: you know be reeeeeeeeally white and preppy
val: hahaha

Google is...

val: how's google today?
khris: quiet
khris: and googly
val: lol -- and how is you tube?
val: the same?
khris: tubey

And which animal do you look like?

Krissy: he reminds me of a cartoon character
Krissy: but i forget his name
val: hahaha
val: dexter?
Krissy haha no
Krissy: its an animal
Krissy: i can see it in my head
Krissy: http://pbskids.org/arthur/
Krissy: Arthur!

Potty Humor

i have to potty brb
Daniela: aj
happy times
be sure to wipe well

val: i'm excited for my blister cushions
val: YAY
Krissy: hahaha
Krissy: the little things in life

Chips and Dip

etaraby (4:37:11 PM): you missed the party
valer0us (4:37:45 PM): I'm sorry i had a previous engagement and i totally over booked
etaraby (4:38:03 PM): what the hell am i gonna do with all of this dip!

Meow...

valer0us (2:11:12 PM): am i purring?
Krissy (2:11:18 PM): yes
Krissy (2:11:21 PM): you are so weird

Wonderful world of Wonka

Cory: Showtime... behold the wonder!

Vote Obama

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

this is what we do at work during the day.

Krissy: i am being so useless
Krissy: and just looking at clothes online
Krissy: but i need a dress for a wedding in nov
Me: i have to potty
Me: that's my contribution to this conversation
Krissy: haha

Jess: Ugh...I have no desire to be productive today.
me: i have no desire to ever be productive
hahahahaha
is that bad?
Jess: Yes...we're pathetic.

Phobia?

Japanda5 (10:59:32 AM): i was just diagnosed yesterday with Phobiaphobia
valer0us (10:59:36 AM): what's that?
Japanda5 (10:59:42 AM): i'm afraid of phobias
Japanda5 (10:59:55 AM): oh me.
Japanda5 (10:59:56 AM): lol

Dinosaur?

Al-Amin: my phone is NOT a dinosaur, i'll have you know
Sent at 2:03 PM on Thursday
Al-Amin: it's actually an extremely efficient device that relays my calls and text messages like a PHONE should. what you people use, i call mobile crack devices. because they don't really have everything you need, they just make you THINK you do, and then what happens? you're all about your little crackberries, and people like me, who like to keep things simple, get called dinosaurs.
me: lolol
very well put
and true
Al-Amin: well i love my dinosaur
and i'm a retro kinda guy
so you're a loser

can't read?

valer0us (2:17:06 PM): did u know u can't use the internet if u can't read?
valer0us (2:17:09 PM): it's really hard
Krissy0344 (2:25:14 PM): that stinks

Cat poo?!

me: she misses the box or it's stuck in her bum
i think this morning she did it on purpose tho
b.c there was a HUGE turd on the floor
and it wasn't mine...
Emily: HAHAHAHA
are you SURE it wasnt yours???
just kidding

Hipster, Yipster?

Japanda5: we should have a facebook pic of us "going over the "pickup lines for hipster chicks" via Excel Spreadsheet.

Mr. Google who are you?

In response to my Gchat tag line "I love you google", I have recently been contacted by "someone" who claims they are the god like Mr. G00gle. I have no idea who this person is however, "his" e-mails are quite funny.

On a side note, you would think the supreme of search engines would know how to spell right? Typos and spelling mistakes have NOT been corrected :). See below.

MR. G00GLE to me 10:03 AM (1 hour ago)

i love you too, valerie. i love you too.

MR. G00GLE to me 10:22 AM (1 hour ago)


i am google, valerie. i am every search you have ever conducted. i am every image you have ever found (if you've searched through my images section). i am the emails you send and the chats you receive. i am your contacts list. i am your trash section. i am ALL.

listen valerie: quite frankly i am flattered by the love you proclaim for me on your gchat (me) status message. but honestly, i got like 1,239,871,293,786,129,837,619,237,912,739,812,739,817,239,871,293,871,923,879,128,376.75 different people who are also up on my shit (if you know what i mean). so, in order not to make anybody jealous, what say we keep this little love affair between us, eh? it'll be our little secret.

incidently, if you search me for "our little secret" the first page that comes up is the Amazon link to the 1997 Lords of Acid album of the same name. you may want to look into that.


now excuse me while i go help the rest of the universe find what they are looking for. goodbye valerie. have a wonderful day.

MR. G00GLE to me 11:03 AM (55 minutes ago)

are.....are you serious??

i like. i like totally JUST revealed my true identity to you in my last email.

anyway, i hope you conducted that last search i told you about. remember? the one about "our little secret?" anyway, if you looked up that Lords of Acid CD you'd see that the most popular track is called "spank my booty."

further, i'd like to point out that if you search me for "who are you?" you will get back 273,000,000 results in under 2.2 seconds. impressive, huh? anyway, you can choose one of those results and decide that that is who i am.

in conclusion, WHO THE FUCK IS THAT OTHER GUY WHO LOVES YOU?????? i thought we had something, valerie. i thought we had something reeeaaallll special. UGH. i'm so OUT.

lunch anyone?

but the way it's looking, i'll probably have to bring lunch back to my cubicle....
cuz i'm cool like that

on the specifics of friending on social networking sites...

Jade: wierdo, FB isn't a place for friend whores
me: haha
Jade: go back to myspace!

I guess they're running out of names...

Really? They couldn't come up with something better? lol.

comments on NYC Night Life.

ok... i'm not talking beer-stinking-we'll-support-new-york-wannabes-who-are-still-in-college bars

underdog lounges where i can listen to good music, and have space to at least lift my drink up to my mouth without having it spill on my shirt, and on 5 other people around me

psshh... campus.

please, woman... relax yo'self

Words of the WISE 7/31/08

Names have been deleted to protect the identity of ol' wise one :)

1. "There was so much saliva drooling out of my mouth I had to cup my hands to catch it all"
2. "Actually the horse had no legs"
3. "But it turns out the pants were made of leather" <--- Hummm...

And some words from the young and wise...

Jade: "I see the appeal. He's cute in a dorky way but I was over it in like um a day -- yeah about a day".

and it begins... quotes from 7/30/08

Al-Amin: I actually didn't associate it with smoke. My first impression was that it had something to do with monkeys. Don't ask...

Jade: they need a puff daddy-esque makeover

Japanda: "when i'm feeling i have it bad, i look at everyone else's face standing in line behind me and I feel better"

Dave C: Abuse is when you've spent your rent money to get high and find yourself in a pile of munchy food wrappers.

Use is when you take a hit to be cool.


Me: but it freezes my DINOSAUR!